Don’t join the drama!
When a child is very upset it affects parents, classmates, friends and other people who spend time with the child. As adults around a high-tempered child it is important we remain calm and practice our breathing.
Try to remember that the child is hurting and crying out for help, even though the words they are using may not sound like a cry for help.
Here is a 4 step method I have found that works with high-tempered kids:
1. Stay calm and lend your child your peace
The first and maybe most important thing when your child throws a tantrum, is for you to stay calm. Don’t join their drama! Think of it like this: if you stay calm you open up a space in your energy for your child to crawl into and find peace and calmness. Lend your child your peace.
And just for this exercise, visualize the space you lend to your child if you lose your temper too.
For smaller fusses it might be enough that you just sit calmly and breathe deeply next to your child. If you need more tools than just your breathing you can try to recognise the anger for what it is by saying: “I can see/feel that you are very angry/sad/upset.” When the child senses that you have understood their message, you have created a connection. Now you can try to comfort them.
When the child feels understood and that you have ‘met’ them where they are emotionally, the worst of their anger often dissipates. The child can then hear what you are saying and learn from your teachings.
2. Refuel and share the energy of the universe
I have also experimented with consciously sharing an energy stream with my child. What I do is imagine pulling down a stream of energy from the universe. I see this golden white light coming down through my crown chakra (top of my head) and let it flow to my heart. I then open my heart and direct the light to my child. As a parent of young kids (and sometimes older as well) we only have so much energy in our bodies. The universe however is abundant in energy and light, and by becoming conscious of how you attract this energy you can access it and share it with your child. I love this way of parenting and it helped me immensely when I was a mother of two young children. As it runs through your heart it will feel familiar to your child, but you won’t lose your energy. As it runs through you it also recharges your own battery at the same time.
3. See beyond the situation and translate
When your child has calmed down, you can try to see beyond the anger and explore what caused the outburst in the first place. To see beyond the current situation, we use our intuition or third eye chakra in our foreheads. We can close our eyes and look up towards the intersection of our eyebrows to see much deeper. This will train your intuition. If this is new to you, you can also try to analyse the situation from a more practical viewpoint. What could be an obvious reason? Very often you will find simple answers to your child’s frustrations.
There is a good chance your child is:
– or any combination of the above!
As a parent we get a lot of help by zooming out and taking a broader view of any given situation. Often our child hasn’t slept enough; they have had too much going on or they are “hangry” (hungry + angry = hangry). Next step is then to provide what is needed. Help the child take a nap, get to bed earlier, feed them or clear the schedule if too much is going on.
After such drama other feelings will often follow, for instance feelings of inadequacy, guilt or shame. It is important that we can also acknowledge these feelings in our children.
When we have recognised these feelings for what they are and have listened to our children, the fire meditations can be a way of helping them to clear their mind and move on. When we give children, who are very much influenced by their feelings, a tool to clean out the bad experiences and thoughts they create by virtue of their own behaviour, we also give them an opportunity to reflect upon the outcomes of their feelings in a safe space. More importantly, we give them a chance to clear their minds and start afresh.